We're Only Liars

But we're the best... (Fall Out Boy)

I think a lot about life depends on what you can convince yourself, and others, is truth. Creating a self-image and upholding those different sides, different versions for you for different people, for the different kinds of relationships you want to have, is partially crucial to actually "living" and determining what you accomplish.

I dragged myself out of bed this morning at 6:15 am so I could go jogging with Megan and Annie. An easy walk down to the track, a forced one-lap jog (after which two of us were dying), another easy walk back up to the dorms. I feel like i lied to myself in order to get myself to get out there, and lied to myself after I got back about the effective quality of our excursion. I'm sleepy, hehe.

I finally finished and emailed my anthropology paper in last night at 5pm, before the due time of 6. I'm a little worried about that thing, and I've definitely got to put in some work in this next draft being submitted. I really miss AP Literature and the papers we had to write then.

We watched Easy A last night (7:30pm showing), after eating dinner at KFC by Nordstrom (#2: chicken strips! The cole slaw and the mashed potatoes came in these cute little reusable containers!). We rush walked from Ala Moana to Ward. Thank goodness screensavers got us the discounted tickets ($6.25!). The movie was decent, and the use of language in the beginning kept reminding me of Annie, haha. Only one part made me tear, but overall, the emotional aspects of the movie didn't draw me in so much. They could've, but they weren't strong enough in their manipulation of my weak heart, haha. Entertaining, though, definitely! We stopped by Starbucks afterwards and they ordered me an iced white chocolate mocha, which I liked. I finished drinking that before Megan and Annie had finished theirs, so I wandered around inside Roxy while I stared at them outside and looked at warm things.

The bus I had thought would take us all the way back to UH had already stopped running, but thankfully the A is so very reliable. We had a brief spy-like moment with the sprinklers on Bachmann Lawn, running through them so we didn't have to take the long way around. =P

I lied to myself and told myself I'd get a lot done this morning after I woke up. So far, I'm not sure what else I've done this morning that has been college-related. I guess I should probably email out the data... Next week will certainly be a week of chemistry and anthropology craziness. Yay!

I think college students really have to survive by lying to themselves that they have time and that the outcome of their endeavors will be worthwhile and okay.

All the Small Things

Before I forget them:

• Rolling across roof lounges
• Salt, Sherlock Holmes
• Invitations to practice kicking
• "Shooting" water, chips, pretzel sticks, rock candy, crackers, Pineapple Crush, green tea, ketchup, string cheese, etc.
• Playing cards and room key cards stuck to faces
• Climbing through wilderness, lost in the arboretum, going in circles, finding our way out
• Lunch at the Manoa shopping center
• Midnight trumpet playing "happy birthday"
• Always instinctively hitting "1" when going down, "E" when going up
• Tuesday, before math class, that girl walked down the stairs by Grace and I, and said things about us being so shocked about someone who had jumped/fallen down the stairs and how we were too shocked and saddened to tell anyone about it or even move (because we were both kind of blanked out looking down the stairs)
• Dinner "hellos"
• The rabbit always loses to the turtle =/
• "Panga"
• Nutella with whole wheat Ritz crackers
• Dane finished his paper, Alice and Jeffery (and Romee!) did not start
• Discussions in Anthropology verging on topics of racial divisions, invisible coasts, the possibility of a future of everyone being mixed and looking alike, the lack of the ability to go backwards to purity
• Lunch in Holmes shooting birds with imaginary guns
• Paradise Palms with Myungjun & Josh
• Hiding in Annie's closet and not managing to conceal laughter
• Less than one whole sip of coffee (plus what remained of the sweetener packet) leads to an hour-long "coffee high"
• 1 am calculus homework wrap-ups, with a brief calculus converstaion Jordan's roommate passing by the E-lounge ("I give you props!")
• Rachel, Rachel and the other not-Rachel all live on the 12th floor

Imagine

I'm in Hamilton right now, Louis Landon's piano cover of John Lennon's Imagine playing, wireless capability of laptop being put to use, battery slowly draining. I came here to work on the ANTH paper draft due on Friday, and to hopefully get books that will help me out with it. So far, the studious environment, in these oh-so nice cubicle things with relatively comfortable chairs has not done so much (I'm kind of hungry now) for my studying, but it's nice, and I feel ready to work. Also, yay for piano music. (:

I want to write about this weekend's adventures, but I feel that would take me an inordinate amount of time, so I shall refrain from that until I have done more work. But, on a bright note, I pretty much finished all the work I needed to do for the beginning of this week (minus ANTH), so I don't feel that stressed out.

I will write more soon.

But I leave you with one thing:

Imagine a more accepting world: Today is National Coming Out Day.

You have your own life to shape. Shape it as you wish. Accept others' wishes, as long as they don't intrude on your own. Once you're alive, you have a right to live and chase after happiness, and obtain it. I think it'd be nice to support others in things that make them happy. This world needs  more happy. Please.

Portal

There was once a book entitled THIS IS NOT A BOOK,
which gave rise to a dorm room adventure.

 The portable portal was cut out carefully along dotted lines with a pair of yellow scissors.

At first the portal found home amongst the multitude of fake portals.

However, the portal was relocated to a shiner, more noteworthy location,
the endless storage area of delicious items.

Relevant to College Life:

Coincidences, colliding opinions, camaraderie.

Life works out in silly ways.

My Sparkling, Shining Wishes

Have slopped in with my worries. (HTT)

I don't think it's conceivable how much I love this song. I woke up this morning and started whistling it. Though the language is one that I can't really understand at all, and though the outfits they're wearing are slightly questionable in this video, I am so in love with it. I cannot get this melody out of my head. Cannot. This song makes me tear, but it's not that I'm terribly sad because of it. Something about the melody just carries on that feeling of moving on, even though things aren't turning out the way you wanted them to. Optimism. A little sadness, but an acceptance, a solution, the prospect of a better tomorrow despite what has happened today.

I'm so very in love with this song. ;_;

Sinking Like A Ship in the Blue

Doot doo do doo... (This Providence)

After Sunday's lazy day, the nice few moments seeing my family (and telling my mother not to freak out about the price tags on the bag of new clothes I bought), I had a bought of unhealthiness eating the pizza and old taco bell chalupa they had handed me. I felt unclean as a result of that, and so on Monday I bought a salad for lunch:

I had run into Annie on the way back (she was stopped in the middle of the walkway watching a girl try using a fire extinguisher at the display they had by Campus Center), so we walked back to the dorms together, and she informed me of her plans to go out again to Wal-Mart, and possibly Ala Moana. If either Megan or I had gone along, she wouldn't gone and gotten the turquoise, blue, and black Hello Kitty purse she had so spontaneously decided to get. XD Alas, neither of us did go, so she bought no bag. Next time, she will. And there will be pictures.

THE SHIRMP CRACKER IS LARGER THAN MY PORTABLE PORTAL!

I had eaten one of the giant shrimp cracker things the night before, sadly disappointed by its lack of taste and deliciousness. Come Monday morning, however, I realized that might have been due to my lacking taste (I was so TASTELESS, hehe!). I was eating breakfast on Monday morning and things really didn't taste like much.

The Hawaiian Studies exam was considerably more nit-picky than I had expected it to be. I found that the test-taking skills that have aided me all throughout high-school are essentially now useless, except maybe for that rule to "double-check" your work. Do you remember those activities in Highlights Kids magazine? Do you even remember that magazine? My family subscribed to it for a very long time... Wow.

I wore these striped socks yesterday, hoping their purple-ness would help me out a bit in staying alert and driven. They worked... slightly.

With the whole afternoon free, I actually worked on things, and actually finished my lab report before nightfall! On the contrary, though, I didn't finish all the things relating to the lab we had to do today (including pre-lab questions and reading the procedure) until this morning. Though I tried to be ultra-prepared for lab today in order for it to hopefully go quickly, it was the same as usual. Or rather, even worse, I ended up leaving 30 minutes later than the set end time (5:20pm), and was the last to leave. I really think our TA thinks poorly of me. I laughed at his comment on the most recent lab report we got back: "A little wordy." I think a little is an understatement, haha.

I should have been more productive yesterday night and this morning, but, well, things go as they go. There was a leak in my cereal bowl this morning so milk got everywhere. That video of "My Love is a Stapler" with the actual voice actresses made me tear (because that song and that anime, for some reason, pulls so much love out of me for it). I crossed my fingers a lot. I was drowsy through 30 minutes of math class today, but very alert for the other 45 minutes. I poked a baby gecko with my pink highlighter and confirmed its continued life. My wall is now smothered in photos, taken from tons of people. Scrapbook paper from Alyssa is up there too. (: I wrote a letter I need to put in the mail. I feel okay. I just have a lot of homework to do.

It's good that even though I'm kind of struggling to stay afloat, there are those little things that lift me up, lift up the corners of my mouth to bring me to smile, like mealtimes and silly secrets. Oh, and xXxHoLic. Most recently, I've had to think about this:

Lying because you can't see, or aren't able to make out the form, conducting yourself as if you can do something you can't, is just rude to those who are serious. - Yuko (ep. 4)

I think this kind of relates to why instead of trying to BS some answer on an exam, or in conversation, I prefer to leave things blank or just not say anything. I don't want to pretend I'm someone I'm not. People already do that for me. Like, I can't really swim, even if my location leads you to expect that I can.

It's okay; I won't let you just stand there and watch me drown (from misconceptions).
Learning. Adapting. Overcoming things. Hey! This is college life!