Let the Rain Fall Down

And wake my dreams / Let it wash away / My sanity (Hilary Duff)

Yesterday during math, the rain just started pouring. It suited my mood. I would've ran through it and splashed through the puddles had I not been carrying my laptop for once and had I not been wearing my jeans that kind of drag. It's pretty difficult to walk holding the umbrella. Even though I used it, my backpack got pretty wet, and my shoe were soaked (thanks to those streams that form on the edges of the roadways next to the sidewalks).  My laptop case was very dry, though. (:

When I got back I spoke to Kathryn, got my things together, emptied my bag onto my bed, and proceeded on our adventure to Kahala Mall. Kat and Andrew were there for a little while, and then went off on their own adventure. Carousel Candyland got the best of me and sucked away $20.47, and now I think I have enough candy to last me a while, though, so yay! Renee and I walked around the mall on our own, going into Gamestop. I got a cinnamon sugar pretzel from Pretzelmaker, and we went to Barnes & Noble and read comics (I read volume 2 of Scott Pilgrim =P) until Grace and Ken came. We all ate some sort of Arby's meal (yay curly fries!), and browsed stores waiting at the scary bus stop until headed back to the dorms.

Following that, there were quite a few interesting adventures with Renee, Megan, and Annie, particularly:

• climbing closets
• awkward unicorns
• snorting rock candy
• sharing candy in hallways (new neighbor Kristen) - chocolate maltballs, rock candy, sour gummy watermelons, mini-m&ms, chatting with the RA, hearing about plans for the rest of the semester
• sneaking with in slowly to give the two guitar players an audience (Corey and Bronson, omg), and to check out the strange "singing" wafting through the halls

It was a nice night, and the service project this morning was not too far away, and we didn't deal with any paint. So many cigarette butts and bottlecaps from beer bottles. I thought, humans are disgusting. Thank goodness there was no more rain this morning, even though the rain yesterday was kind of nice.

Ala Moana adventure in a while. Things are changing. It's fall.
Happy October.

Late Night, Liquor Blue

(Motion City Soundtrack).

Despite the title I have given this blog post, there was no drinking going on this evening. In fact, there was a lot of drinking... of information! My mind is kind of drained right now. I locked away my laptop for the majority of the night (once I got home from orchestra rehearsal around 8:15pm, and sat down with my calculus textbook, bright pink, salmon colored notebook and folder, and a bunch of scratch paper and a new cheap blue ink pen.

Crazy things about today/this week:

• dreams: Megan and "cute guy", getting a job and being unable to assemble a toilet, petting dolphins and having them die on the sandy beach, hiding, being replaced as a sister
• encounters with math people (Bronson, Corey, Grace) eating meals with them
• Jennifer's room =P
• today's rain adventure (Alyssa, Molly, Claire, one wet courtyard and a surplus of time)

It's kind of amazing because I feel like there's a chance in me expanding my circle of friends. It's also kind of crazy 'cause I drowned in math... I don't know. I've got to keep this short and hardly comprehensible, 'cause I'm going to turn in for sleeeeeeeeeep 'cause tomorrow's the big midterm. I hope I'll do well. I probably won't. But I will try!

Do You Believe in Hallucinations

Silly dreams or imagination? (Angels & Airwaves)

As I begin writing this it's golden hour again and I love the way the sunset turns the dorm surroundings. I feel so much better. Transported. Kind of unreal. But so very very much in love with where I am, where I'm living, what I'm experiencing, Hawaii.

Home has never seemed so precious or so lovely. I mean, this is the same old island I've lived on for all of my life. At the same time, it's not my island where I'm living, right now. This isn't my side. Every time I look at the surroundings as I walk around the dorm roof, I think, this isn't my home turf. Silly thing to think, silly way to put it, but my silly mind immediately pulls out that phrase, because this isn't my side of the island. My side of the island deals with horrendous weekday traffic just to reach "town". My side of the island is flat, rainless, and ridiculously hot in the summer and fall nights. It has a strange amount of geckos sitting themselves down in the middle of sidewalks, upon tall white plastic fences that separate dying grass in backyards.

Though this isn't my side of the island, I love it here, none-the-less. And though this side of the island offers me "so much more", the more crowded city-like lifestyle, the tourist-attraction beaches, hotels, and shopping malls, I don't love my side of the island any less. After all, in the Leeward side lies my childhood, my family, (THE WATERPARK!), and many, many memories.

In a way, that side of the island carries my past. This side of the island carries my high school years, and will carry my high school years. It carries my future, it houses my dreams. What are my dreams? I'm quick to say that I don't really have any. But if I dig into the past and call upon those imaginary future scenarios that my mind dwelt so heavily upon before, I can say this now: Even if writing papers takes me forever and drives me insane as I try to figure out what words would be most effective, I would not mind trying to spend a part of my life writing for the public. Fiction, in stories or poems, would be nice. I guess I would eventually be okay sharing my opinion with the world at some point. I'm no journalist, I'm no special individual with a way with words that can capture people's hearts or sway their minds. I wouldn't mind trying to be one. I wouldn't mind going back to my ways with pen and paper and the open afternoon before me, the freedom to dream whatever I wish onto paper. Love stories ending with heartbreak, poorly researched mythical creatures and workings of space...

As restricting as the written language is, there is a freedom in being able to write what I can.

I guess college has left me always fighting the thought of how other people make judgments. It's held me back. I think I'm getting to conscious of other people. Or, I'm jumping to conclusions way too much. Caring too much.

I ran into that Mark guy on the roof when I went up to snap those photos. I think that's the guy who's always with Tenny, always wearing that hat and his glasses and his seemingly Filipino skin, shades of grey and calm, that beautiful camera of his. I had my oh-so-easy-to use Canon PowerShot with me and I inched past him as he shot Diamond Head, illuminated by the setting sun. I thought about him probably becoming a photographer, and I thought, good for him. It suited him. And it would be nice to spend a lifetime capturing the beauty in the world, treasuring those moments alone on rooftops with just one's perspective and the means to display it.

I felt so silly taking pictures with him at work. But it was okay -- I snapped these few and rushed back down the stairwell, past a girl sitting on the steps talking on the phone, past the smelly garbage chutes, past the empty 11th floor activity sign-up sheets, past the open doors revealing people I've never seen in my life.

I thought, even though I feel so lost right now, even though I'm fighting my bad habits and my fear, there is so much in this world that can occur, so much in this world to be lived for and explored.

Ray sent the link to this song and all the things I've been pondering about fell into place with that first lyric in the chorus. Time to swallow these worries, brush off the pressure, and just believe.

College will be okay.